A brief period of introspectivness

The program I work for told us in so many words that we had to write an essay/letter thing and submitt it.  Being true to my procrastinator roots I waited until the last minute to do it, but I sort of liked how it turned out.  It might appear a little aimless in the beggining, that is because I didn't really know what I was writing about, just sort of spitballing words around.  By the end it felt good to reflect a little bit on the journy and what the heck I am doing with my life.  I still don't know what I'm doing really, but what I do know is that I am enjoying the journey. 

Prelude to the Sypmhony



      I was going to Korea, this was a fact.  When I told people what I was doing I got the same three questions asked to me…  Why?, Do you know Korean?, & Are you going to get a girlfriend/When is the wedding?.  The questions would always be in that exact order, and I would always answer them from back to front…  “I'm not moving 6000 miles away to find a girlfriend, there are websites for that stuff, I don't know why I am your friend.”.  “No, I don't know any Korean”.  Usually, they would stop me there and be appalled that I wasn't fluent in Korean (I'm Polish and Finnish, they shouldn't be that surprised that I don't know Korean.) and I was going to be living there, teaching the future leaders of tomorrow.  I never got around to giving my answer to “Why?”, this was probably a good thing because it was something that I was constantly asking myself. 
      “Why”.  It is such a short question with such an ambiguous, nebulous answer.  During some of my more introspective moments I would spin up something like this…  I am finally graduating college, I've spent the last 7 years working towards this elusive thing called my Bachelor Degree (some of you might think this is a typo and I really meant “Masters”.  It is not, and you should all be jealous that I found ways to avoid real life for so long.).  For the longest time this “Degree” and “Real Life” seemed like something that was as mystical and intangible as a leprechaun riding a unicorn over a double rainbow.  It just never happened, but I let my guard down for two seconds and the University shoves a degree down my throat and says, “don't let the door hit you on the way out”.  Well shoot, now I have to do something with myself, unless I can avoid this “real life”.
      What happened next is something that could only be chalked up to Fate pulling a fast one.  I was having this aforementioned crisis of me getting my degree and teaching certificate, being thrust out into the cruel world and being told to make something of myself when I received the email.  It was a perfect match, an opportunity to teach abroad, AND get paid to do it!  It seemed right, like dating a girl who is fun, cute, and likes watching football while knocking back a cold one on Sundays.  It only took a moment to decide that I wanted to go, it took a month to find the perfect time to tell my parents that I was leaving the country for a while.  I told them and they gave me high fives and talked about finally renting out my room at home.  I blinked in May and woke up on a Korean Air flight in August, the rest has been a blur.
      Even while writing this I've avoided giving a conclusive answer to why I chose to take part in the TaLK program, and I don't think I need one.  Since being here I have taken a bit of  “Dynamic Korea” to heart…
      There is only so much that one can be in control of, I've always found easier to roll with the punches rather than try and block each one.  I can fight the forces that be and change nothing, or I can throw caution to the wind and get on that bus going somewhere new and exciting.  I can smile at anyone, even though I am scared out of my wits, and lost beyond belief.  I can laugh at my mistakes when I should be crying and calling home to mom.  I can smile and nod to that old Korean dude with zero English that just talked my ear off for the last hour when I was waiting for the train.  I can do all of that because it so easy to play it safe, to stagnate in what I know and what is familiar to me.  That is easy, that is safe, and I hate that.  I did not come to Korea to be comfortable, I came here to throw myself into new situations.  I came here to fall flat on my face, and learn from it.  I came here to experience & embrace a culture that has roots running thousands of years deeper than my own.  I came here to teach, but I wonder if I am more a student.  I came here to avoid “real life”, but I am finding my life is more real than I would have ever imagined.